Tuesday, July 22, 2008

X-A-M-S--> The Key To Success !!!!

If you are reading this, it means that i have either begun studying for my exams or is being forced to do so by those meddling parents of mine....
the happiest days of our lives are here again, what else but the good old sem end exams, do u need to cheer u up no end.... it is time that i pass on the skills i have learned along the way which maybe defined as my life, it is time to give the world's young generation the secret to success in exams of any type, anywhere, anytime, any....,any....,any....,any....whatever....
points to be noted:
  • dont even open the books till 3 or maximum 4 days before the exams
  • then also dont study at all during the daytime
  • buy a Gigantic packet of any coffee powder you can
  • chose an activity like watching TV or surfing the net that you enjoy and can be done without much physical strain during the nights
  • start doing the selected activity at around 11 at night
  • after everyone else goes to sleep, take out the book and start reading like theres no tomorrow (actually there is no tomorrow if u dont finish it !)
  • after about 30-40 mins u will probably be bored and not concentrating (10mins if u are as distracted as i am) so then return to the activity of your choice for 5 to 10 mins
  • then make a cup of coffee black as sin (with as little sugar as possible) and drink it as slowly as u can
  • then return to your studies for another stretch
  • then repeat the same process
  • again
  • and again
  • and again and again and again....
  • when the first person to wake up in your household wakes up, its time to go to sleep
  • this is the way to success in your exams

it is tried and tested.... so why dont you adapt it as soon as you can and let me know the results.... i am in the middle of the above described cycle right now so got to drink some coffee now.... keep studying like hell....

Thursday, June 19, 2008

The Art Of Smoking !!!!

as the g-man and hektor have already christened me shri-shri it is only natural that i wanna give a course called "Art Of Smoking" , those who have been smoking for a zillion years please excuse !!!! so here goes....

Beginners : the first thing you got to do is buy a cigarette, its important coz u cant fucking learn to smoke when somebody is just giving you a puff or two. hold the cigarette btween your lips (filter first), dont bite on it - you don't want to squash the poor thing! now, take a light, preferably from a lighter (not a matchstick) as you are a beginner. now hold the light to the other end of the cigarette and lightly draw air into your mouth through the cigarette. make sure that the cigarette is properly lit before you take the light away. now put the lighter away and concentrate on your smoking.

the golden rules are:

1. do NOT fucking swallow. you want to hit your lungs, not your intestines!
2. do NOT waste the cigarette by just holding the smoke in your mouth and letting it out. its just a waste of smoke and you'll get a fucking throatache!

now let's get down to the actual process....

1. take a light puff, don't take a deep drag at first itself. you don't want to cough your heart out.
2. hold the smoke in your mouth and slowly inhale (through your mouth) you can take air from outside as well. don't try anything stupid and suffocate!
3. now you feel like something is bursting out of your lungs through your nose and mouth and most probably you'll be coughing your heart out anyways. don't worry, its common!
4. don't stop right then. go on to the next puff and the next till you finish your cigarette.
5. somewhere along the way, you'll feel that exceptionally beautiful feeling that is called an orgasm a HIGH
6. its different for different people. most probably at first, you'll feel as if a truck has hit you from behind. you'll have some difficulty keeping your eyes open. your blinking rate will increase, and there will be a tendency to lie down. follow your heart (that way, more nicotine will go to your head!)
7. ride the wave and somewhere along the way, you'll come to conflicting feelings such as "i will never smoke again", "i wanna smoke till i die", "i wanna fucking cigarette every single second of my life" and most important of all, "does smoking actually kill you?". these are all very common questions which do not have any common answer, except for the last one. it does actually kill you, but you're gonna die anyways. so why don't you enjoy the ride?
8. now you come to the most important feeling after smoking...."smoking gooooooood!!!!" that is what you're looking for!!!!
9. congratulations! you've now passed the beginner's course in "The Art of Smoking" you're well on your way to joining the s-gang. if you don't know what that means, you're not fucking qualified (translation: go fuck yourself!)

n.b. the most high-ranking members of the s-gang in trivandrum are none other than yours truly, g-man, kurupz, H, srk (tvm version), jasif, bichu and various members of the mechanical department of sct, pappanamcode!

Monday, June 2, 2008


The G man has finally prevailed on me to create my own blog instead of staying around reading his !!!! So watch out!!!!!!!!